Bat shit crazy Tiger King quotes that’ll leave you begging for a shower and a bar of soap.

Written by Cole Schafer


Netflix’s latest hit series, Tiger King, feels like it arrived on Humanity’s doorstep at the perfect time.

As millions of Americans are beginning to feel “caged” in their homes in the wake of the Coronavirus, we’re forced to explore all the shit we’ve been sweeping under our living room rug.

While I can’t speak for everyone… during this time I’ve faced challenging questions like…

Do I have an unhealthy obsession with social media? And, am I doing “enough” for humanity outside of just simply teaching people to be better marketers and writers?

When Tiger King came onto the scene a week or so ago with a cast of characters that could literally be described as stranger than fiction, it served as not only the entertainment America desperately needed in these dark times, but more so… it forced us to explore another big semi-fucked-up question that we didn’t even realize was hiding under the rug…

Is it right to place animals in cages the size of a one-bedroom apartment and sell tickets so people can watch them eat, shit and fuck?

Anyway, I know you didn’t come here to feel like an awful person for taking your kids to a petting zoo.

So, let’s get on with some of the absurd things said during what currently is the most popular TV show in the United States…

28 Tiger King quotes that will make you reevaluate life, zoos, methamphetamine and marketing.

(I know, I know… in a past life I could have made a killing writing headlines for Cosmo).

If you haven’t watched Tiger King yet, stop and turn back now…. I’m about to hit you with some of the most ludicrous lines from the series (and do a whole lot of spoiling in the process).

  1. “I’ve been doing this 20 years, never even been bit”
  2. –– A random zookeeper who nearly gets bit moments after making the above statement.
  3. “Magic.”
  4. –– Joe Exotic reflecting on his time teaching kids to say no to drugs.
  5. “One day I went out to open up the mailbox and it just exploded with snakes.”
  6. –– Carole Baskin discussing a birthday present her nemesis sent her.
  7. “‘Do you watch porn?’ He said yeah. I said, ‘Well do you like watching the guy with the big one doing it or the guy with the little one doing it?’ He said, ‘Well, obviously you want to watch the guy with the big one.’ I said, ‘Well, you ain’t that straight.’”
  8. –– Joe Exotic telling the story about how he met his second husband.
  9. “Travis wasn’t gay, travis was banging every girl in the park.”
  10. –– Rick Kirkham on Joe Exotic’s second husband.
  11. “I had my days of coke. I had my days of drinking. I had my days of… meth.”
  12. –– Joe Exotic sharing his struggles with addiction.
  13. “A lot of people think that Tigers took my legs. No. It actually happened from a zip-line accident.”
  14. –– John Reinke, a double amputee that lost his legs after walking “20 miles a day” to tend the zoo before letting them heal.
  15. “Ladies and gentlemen, before you hear it on the news I’m gonna tell you myself. Just about an hour ago we had an incident where one of the employees stuck their arm through the cage and the tiger tore his arm off… I can give you your money back or I can give you a rain check…”
  16. –– Joe Exotic to a crowd of customers moment after an employee had his arm ripped off by a tiger.
  17. “I’m never going to financially recover from this.”
  18. –– Joe Exotic throwing a teary-eyed pity party for himself after his employee had his arm ripped off by a tiger.
  19. “So, I’m Dr. Bhagavan Antle… B. H. A. G. A. V. A. N… Antle… A. N. T. L. E… Dr. Bhagavan Antle.”
  20. –– Dr. Bhagavan Antle (who the audience isn’t quite sure whether or not is a doctor) awkwardly spelling out his name for the camera.
  21. “He started getting so crazy to where he had a rubber blow up doll and he would have Carol written on a name-tag on it and he would take a dildo and be shoving it in her mouth.”
  22. –– Rick Kirkham on Joe Exotic’s hate for Carole Baskin.
  23. “The people running for any sort of election… there’s a lot of glad handing, there’s a lot of baby kissing… Joe passed out condoms with his face on them.”
  24. –– A reporter on Joe Exotic’s presidential campaign.
  25. “Political condoms. Vote for me or you’ll need these because you’re screwed.”
  26. –– Joe Exotic unveiling the strategy behind his condom marketing ploy.
  27. “He was like a mythical character living out in the middle of bumf*ck Oklahoma who owned 1,200 tigers and lions and bears and sh!t.”
  28. –– Rick Kirkham on Joe Exotic and his larger-than-life character.
  29. “If someone wanted to kill you, they’d put sardine oil all over you.”
  30. –– Carole Baskin’s thoughts after seeing a video of Joe Exotic nearly being eaten by a lion.
  31. “Travis was a pothead from hell.”
  32. –– Someone’s unfiltered impression on Joe Exotic’s second husband.
  33. “Are the animals happy? Who knows.”
  34. –– Joe Exotic pondering over whether or not his animals were happy.
  35. “We say no to drugs, because drugs make your teeth fall out and you get really ugly and don’t have any friends.”
  36. –– Joe Exotic discussing the dangers of drugs with a group of school children.
  37. “Hey all you cool cats and kittens.”
  38. ––Carole Baskin on Facebook Live.
  39. “It is a ticking time bomb if somebody thinks they’re going to walk in here and take my animals away. It’s gonna be a small Waco.”
  40. –– Joe Exotic considering the potential of law enforcement taking action against he and his zoo.
  41. “Number one, they’re an endangered species. Duh. What’s the first thing you should do to protect an endangered species? Make more.”
  42. –– Tim Stark pitching his master plan to help endangered species.
  43. “I’ve been on the cover of Hollywood Magazine, twice.”
  44. —Joe Exotic sharing some of his accolades.
  45. “I’d shoot you before I shot my cat.”
  46. — Joe Exotic after a reporter points out the gun on his hip.
  47. “I grew up a professional cowboy in a family of professional cowboys.”
  48. —Dr. Bhagavan Antle being a jack-ass.
  49. “You can see how they go from being so sweet to tearing your face off, just like that, and it’s amazing to have that range.”
  50. —Carole Baskin being bat-shit crazy.
  51. “I am so well-known as Big Cat Guy around the world, that people who are against people having relationships with animals, period, want to destroy me because I am out there in the forefront, so known of being this guy who is in love with big cats and has them love him back.”
  52. —Dr. Bhagavan Antle on his complicated relationship with animal activists.
  53. “I don’t think we’re done blowing shit up today.”
  54. –– Joe Exotic shortly after blowing shit up.
  55. “I went to work every day prepared to die in a tiger cage. Dying doesn’t scare me. At all.”
  56. –– Joe Exotic phoning in from prison.

Are the animals happy? Who knows?

At the end of the show, Joe Exotic is sentenced to 22 years in prison. It’s ironic as you realize that the man who forced hundreds of animals to live in cages is now forced to live in a cage himself.

What’s odd is that as the viewer, seeing Mr. Exotic in prison creates complicated feelings of sadness and guilt.

It’s not as simple as shrugging his incarceration off as… “The bastard got what he deserved.”

You realize that all of us, not just Joe Exotic, have had moments in our lives where we’ve been guilty of using animals and people as a means to our own end.

And, if you don’t want to explore the series with such a philosophical eye, Tiger King can act as a living breathing case study to show what happens when ridiculous marketing antics simply for the sake of publicity go too far.

By Cole Schafer.